Where had my head gone ?


Well… I felt it slip away.

Good evening all.

First off, Thank you so much for those of you that read my first couple entries, I had a couple friends tell me they enjoyed it, and my mom.  Thanks. It really means a lot.  I am using the blog, almost as way to cope, and to deal with my own personal struggles. So, by everyone reading it.  I see that you are in this war with me, whether simply to support, or if you live these same struggles yourself.  Either way, It is known, and appreciated.

Lately, I have been on the biggest Matthew Good kick.  He is after all, is hands down my favorite music artist, so that does explain some of it.  But, he is also one of the best individuals I have had the pleasure of meeting, and I can not think of a classier, well-deserved and more humbled artist/celebrity that I respect more.  Matt has always been an advocate to mental health, and a voice for myself, my mom, and especially my sister; Jennifer.  The three of us became, and remain the biggest Matt Good fans in the world, and it is only a matter of time till the young fellas develop the same appreciation.

However, maybe its because I, and my family can relate to Matt on a much more personal level.  As mentioned, he is a big mental health advocate, a role model and was awarded the 2008 Mental Health Voices Award for BC, much in large part due to his excellent work just talking about his illness, and struggles with Bi-polarity. It sounds so easy. All he did was talk, and he won an award.  Well, if it were that easy. So many more people would be alive. Maybe even Jennifer; We’ll never know.  But, talking about it, has and will keep people alive, if only we could all talk about mental health the way we do about sports, the way we do about movies, media, money, hell, even the way we talk about monsters.  James Holmes for example.  If there was as much press about mental health, and the social stigma destroying lives as there were about what James Holmes did when he was 12 years old on Christmas Eve.  Why do we care.  Maybe I am insensitive.  But, he is a monster, he attempted to kill a disturbing amount of people, senselessly.  But, the media and us are all wrapped into him.  Why.  I am willing to bet, you could write a biography on this monster, before you could name 4 of the victims.  This is wrong.  But, that is 2012.

Anyways! Whew. Wild tangent there.  One other thing you will learn while reading my blogs. I have a brain that races about 3000 thoughts a minutes.  I go on and on and on. I have a problem with “short and sweet” It took me awhile to adjust to twitter, they don’t allow for my rants.  WordPress does!!!

OK MATT GOOD! Christ.  Around 2008 is when I lost my sister.  Yes, the same year Matt won his award. I don’t know if he won it before, or after this. But, here is a brief (haha me..brief. haha)  telling of the kind of man Matt Good is, and the kind of people, that struggle with mental health are, for all you naysayers.

Not long after my sister lost her battle, She had tickets to for a scheduled MG show in Vic, (I believe, Vic) Of course, a MG show to Jen was simply euphoria for her.   My mom and I then went and got tickets to the Edmonton show.  Later, my mom emailed MG just telling him about Jen, and how much he meant to her.  A shot in the dark really, he is a celebrity with millions, and millions of fans, and his own wealth of problems  Why would he care. Wrong. He emailed her back promptly, requesting her and I to meet him outside the show at his bus.

Hours later, at the conclusion of the show, that was a sincere emotional challenge.  We made our way to MG exquisite bus. Not really knowing what to expect.  At the front of the line we were, and after the bouncer tried to shoo us off, finally he came back, apologized “Matt would like to see you” Off to the front of the bus we went, Matt, in his post concert wear, a Canadians t-shirt and jeans talked with us for quite awhile.  He chatted about his own struggles, our struggles, my sister, he talked about many things.  Most of all.  He just made us feel good, he took the time to care for strangers.  My mom happened to have a picture of my sister and Matt from a autograph session he did in BC.  This I will never forget, He asked if it were OK if he could keep the picture and keep it on his bus.  I was in total awe.  Here is a million dollar artist, that truly cares.  He really does.

After a long chat with Matt, He took the picture of Jen, and left my mom and I feeling better.  It was the first time I had a real conversation about mental illness with someone, despite it being more listening that anything.

A day or so later, Matt asked if he could write a blog about my sister, and he did.  It was really special, and I read it still today and it brings many a tear to my eyes. (will post shortly)

I just watched Matt play 2 shows in the last couple weeks in both Calgary & Edmonton, and after sending him an email to him last week, just thanking him for all he has done for not only my family, but for the entire community that dances with mental illness. He replied shortly after wishing my family the best, and saying how he was tremendously humbled by my comments.

I still wonder if Matt has that picture in his bus. But, some things I do know.  Is, If there were more personalities such as Matt in that world, Ours would be such a better place.

he means so much to my family, and myself.  And, I know my sister is still playing beautiful midnight upstairs, and I can catch us singing suburbia together sometimes.

Thats a real long one for tonight.

I will copy his blog about Jennifer to another post.

Thank you if you read it all.  Thank you if you read half. It means alot.

And, today… was a good day. We’ll see what tomorrow has in store, but we will talk tomorrow too.

– Good morning, Don’t cop out.

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