First off, I wanted to start tonight’s blog by thanking everyone again that read my last few entries, and especially the people that have reached out to me about the blog. You’re kindness, and overpouring support is graciously appreciated. Thank you all. I really just hope you continue to read!
It’s nice to know, that not only am I doing this blog to medicate myself, I am reaching out to others as well. I really hope that this blog helps you, and I really hope that it helps you in coming forward about your struggles too. Hell, feel free to fire me a message, text or whatever other million possible ways there are to contact a person these days and we can just chat about it.
My goal, by the time I leave this world, is too see mental illness in the same conversation as any other illness. A normal, non judged conversation. Because, whether you agree with me or not. It is a illness. Its an illness in the brain. If you don’t agree with this, well, I am sorry, but you’re flat out wrong. Depression is often times a result of chemical imbalances in the brain, generally monoamine levels; Whether that’s serotonin, norepinephrine, or dopamine. You choose. It took me 8 minutes just to spell those words. Norepinephrine was the easiest one. NORE-PINE-PHRINE. nore pine phrine. Perfect! Easssssy!
Haha. Anywho, yes. So, we have learned that there is actually a scientific explanation for depression, and without me explaining any further, just google it. Please, cause I should still be in science 7. Now of course, there are all kinds of contributors for this imbalance in the brain. Just like, there are all kinds of causes, or things that can give you other illnesses… Unprotected sex, smoking, drinking, drugs…etc, and genetics of course, as almost always. So, if we can talk about the diseases and illnesses that are a result of the formers, why the hell can’t we talk about an illness that is a result of a loss loved one, a major change in lifestyle; perhaps a job, divorce, new child, PTSD from an accident, or a traumatic event. Why the hell is this so different! I don’t get it! I truly don’t. If someone can get back to me with a legitimate reason as to why mental illness is so much different than all the rest, other than its chemical explanations. I’d love to hear it… Then, I’d love to sucker you right where your shitty argument came from. I am sorry, if I am being offensive, or insensitive. I sympathize for anyone that has gone through any treatment, of any disease. Wait, that’s another commonality. You have pneumonia, aids, cancer…etc. You get treatment. Hey! You can too with depression. So we have described various commonalities between mental illness, and the rest, yet, we still can’t talk about it. I am extremely sympathetic to those with other illness, I am. My girlfriend had her own battle with leukemia, and thankfully, was the winnnnnnnner! and many members of her family have had the same struggle, so It’s not like I am in depressions corner with its jersey on cheering for it. No. Fuck no. But, I get frustrated because it is so hush-hush, and it just should not be. No one is going to call you, leave flowers at your door, because you’re depressed. It’s not going to happen. Or at least, it hasn’t happened to me yet……. Hold on…. Let me go check the door for some baking.
Its really too bad, it is, because I know that if we all worked together to talk about this the way we talk about so and so when they get, whatever it is they get. I think that we would be taking significant step towards in mental health treatment. Part of the problem, is everyone for embarrassed to tell someone, they’re embarrassed to get help, they can’t tell their spouse, gf/bf so their relationship struggles, they can’t tell their kids, so then little Johnny wonders why daddy is in bed sleeping all day when its plus 30 and all his other friends are playing catch with their fathers in the sun. Their embarrassed to tell their employees in fear they will lose their job, or be judged. Their afraid to tell their best friends cause they think they wont get it, or they’ll be soft, or whatever shitty chirp you’ll get, so their friendships suffer. I could go on and on.
And you know what. I am sick of it.
I’ve told my girlfriend I struggle with depression.
I’ve told my family.
Pretty sure all my friends know if they didn’t already know before this blog.
I even told my co-workers I fight it everyday, including my bosses.
…Guess what. They all get it. They’ve been fine. They’ve treated me just fine. Just as it was.
Why did it take me 23 years to get to this point. To be able to freely talk about….
It would be so much easier if we could just all understand this monster, and we could all just talk about, help each other understand it, whether we have depression or not. Not everyone is affected by this. I have never had cancer, so I can’t understand the pain and experience that Amanda went through, nor will I ever try. But, I do understand what “cancer” is, and I will listen, comprehend and be there for her as best I possibly can. Likewise, I don’t expect her to completely understand what I am going through, because she maybe hasn’t experienced it. But, I certainly expect her to treat me the same as she did, regardless of how I feel. And, I want her and everyone to just be knowledgeable about mental health, help yourself understand.
And, thats what everyone else in this world needs to do. Because, truth be told. We live in a real shitty world right now. We do. And, it isn’t right. There are so many people, so many resources that there is no excuse for this. There just isn’t. The solution is simple, we need to talk, we need to be knowledgeable, we need to help each other understand. How we do this. Its up to us.
So please. Start now. Start tonight.
If you read this, and you struggle with mental illness. I want you to tell 1 person that you are in this war. 1 person. I don’t care who it is. Hell, tell me even! I don’t care. Tell your sibling, parent, friend, co worker, or a complete fucking stranger. Tell someone. and, I tell ya what. I can almost guarantee you that they will be fine with it. There will be no jumbo shock reaction. LYKE OMG U WHAT! No. If they are grown up, civilized individual and in this society with the rest of us. They’ll be fine. And, let me tell you. You will feel so much better.
Since I started this blog… 3 days ago? I have had 2 good days… In a row. Thats been rare lately. And, I’ve had no real reason to have these good days. I was up early for work, and home late. Both days. Usually good days are accompanied by friends, family or something. But, nope. Home alone, just me and work. But, its simply because I am telling people. 200 people have read this blog. 200 people know I struggle with depression. And, thats what I want. The more, the better.
So, Please. Lets talk. Now.
This is how we are going to make this place better.
-Thank you all again so much for the support. It truly means the world to me!
Have a great long weekend, and I will likely chat with you again on Tuesday!
Be safe. And, remember. Tell someone. 1 person. Please.