Hey everyone!  Long time no talk! Writing double headers here. I think that is the first time that I have done that.  Last night I wanted to write about a few different, random things.  Just kind of do an update.  But, as soon as I started writing, and talking about the holidays, I thought I’d continue on in discussing why they can, and are so difficult for me.  And, in turn, I wrote nothing about what I had planned.  So, I will try and do that tonight. First off though, thank you too everyone who read last nights entry, and too everyone who shared it, retweeted it, favorite’d it, or mentioned something to me. I sincerely appreciate the support.  As always.

Before I get going into this entry, I wanted to throw my two cents on the NHL Lockout.  I don’t even know how I feel about it anymore.  I don’t even really care.  I am so frustrated by both the owners, and the NHLPA.  I am not on either side. Not the owners, nor the NHLPA side.  I started off being on the NHLPA side by default.  Then, I’ve slowly just moved to the middle, and cared less and less.  I have tried my best not to watch the daily video updates on TSN, read into all the articles and tweets about the lockout.  Or, even invest in much of the pessimism or, optimism.  Except, for when I had heard that Crosby was the sheer reason there was any optimism, and that day last week where everything looked good.  I ran my mouth off to few people on twitter about how Crosby is the modern day God.  But, other than that.  I just have nothing left with the NHL.  When it comes back, I will be the first one watching.  But, I am not letting myself get too frustrated by how things are progressing now.  The entire process annoys me.  The players, the owners, and the fans…. I hate the fans that tweet, or say – I work from 6am-6pm in -41 weather in my boots just to make an average living – Sure, I feel bad for you. Regardless. But that’s likely your choice.  If you were better at hockey, like these guys are…  You wouldn’t be working 12 hours in -41.  You’d be right in the middle of the lockout.  Like, I said.  The entire process to me is frustrating. I just have a hard time giving a shit anymore.  It’s like being in love with this girl, and she just keeps fucking around with you.  Because she knows that when she needs you… You will be sitting there, just waiting for her to come back!

Fortunately, I am at the arena enough as it is that I get enough of hockey with our team, and watching our guys play, because they just love the game and they want to be at the next level.  They don’t get paid. So they just play.  As with anything, throw in a dollar or two, and everything gets all fucked up, and you get guys who begin to play for the wrong reasons.  The only thing that I am really going to miss this season… Is watching the Oilers, I am really excited for the group they have, and as well watching Crosby. I hear he is better than ever. Can’t wait for that.  But, if I have to wait another couple weeks, or till next October.  Fuck em.

Feels better to get that off my chest! In the meantime I will invest all of my hockey related passion into the Bisons & the South Carolina Stingrays!  – I suggest you do the same!

After fighting with dosages, and different anti-depressant drugs and still experiencing the same problems. Ie. Depression (duh) But, not being able to get out of bed, just having no energy, a complete lack of focus and just kind living every day ho-hum and floating through each day.  I finally went to my doctor and told him this just wasn’t working anymore.  He put me back on a prescription drug that I was on a few years back in my third year university (I think), which was probably my best year, academically and health-wise.  I worked hard at school, worked hard out of school, got back into pretty decent shape – considering where I was coming from!  Anyways.  He put me back on this prescription – which, from everything I read, and hear, can be quite the controversial drug. But, what does that even mean.  Because, Can’t any drug become controversial if you are abusing it?  Fortunately… I am not doing that, not with the near $400 price tag that came with this prescription.  The strange thing about this – It isn’t labeled as an anti-depressant.  It’s a psycho-stimulant drug to treat ADHD & Narcolepsy.   I have no idea what the latter means.  But, I am 23 year old male so chances are I have some variation of ADHD. But, It’s been amazing the differences.  I have felt sharper, I am sleeping much better, and not just sleeping better, but I can actually wake up without going through an internal struggle.  I have much more energy, and just seem to be able to go. I feel like I can function.  I have tried so many different anti-depressants, and different dosages, and none of them have this kind of result.  Then, I get off the path of anti-depressants, and everything I hoped would happen, is now happening.  Just feeling better. Mentally, and having that energy I used too have.  I’ve been on it for five days, and feel like in those 5 days I have already accomplished more than I probably did in the entire month before.  I am back in the gym working out (every day for the last 5 days) and have committed myself to losing 20 pounds in 6 weeks.  And, for me, the biggest problem is just getting the energy to get up and go to the gym.  I know I need to be there. But, that doesn’t mean much when you can’t even peel yourself out of bed half of the time.  So, on that note.  I expect all of you to help keep me accountable in my attempts to slowly get back into shape.  As well, if anyone wants to join me in working out, feel free.  Having someone to go with helps so much, having that extra push.  ALSO! If anyone wants to construct this guy a sustainable workout plan – free of charge – I am also open to that idea.  I have a few things of my own I do, but I lack in the variety department.

But, whether it is this magic “NXT-Limitless” drug, or if more of it is just in my own head. I am feeling much better lately. I am actually  doing okay.  Which, is perfect timing because as I wrote about last night.  This is an extremely difficult time of the year for me.

And, I don’t think you know how long I have been waiting to be able to truly say that.  “I am doing okay”  – And, for the first time in a long time.  At least a year, I really think that I am.  I am not going to say that I no longer struggle with my depression, because that is not true, there are moments and times.  But, now, I feel like they are much more stable.  I am in control, whereas, before, I never was. I didn’t know what was going to happen next.  I have accepted that I suffer from depression, and that, that just may be part of who I am, but I need to learn how continually manage it in a way that is going to be healthy, and beneficial for me and those surrounding.  I think I am getting there.

… In closing tonight, I wanted to send my sympathies, and condolences to the friends and families of those effected by the terrible, tragic incident that happened in Kansas City last week with Javon Belcher and his girlfriend.  An absolutely devastating tragedy.

On that note, I want to also leave you with the Brady Quinn post conference.  I thought Brady brought up a lot of great points about the world we live in today, and how we are often just so wrapped up, and pre-occupied that we can’t even give notice to those who might need it.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WXvp0L1DlA

 

 

– Goodnight

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One thought on “Back to Where We’d Belong.

  1. Hi! *waving* great post and glad to hear that your Depression is under control! *smiling*
    Wow! what an expensive drug!! Still if your feeling better than you’ve felt for a long time,then that’s all that matters, right?…..Paula x

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