Long time no talk… A few entries ago, I posted a short story my younger brother wrote, it was amazing. Had lots of feedback from readers how incredible it was, and amazing a 16 year old rat wrote that, lot’s of people couldn’t wait for the next thing from Brody. Well, I’ve been begging him ever since as he get’s my website hits up. He claims he is working on another piece with words, but he threw a curveball at me again and sent me these pictures that he drew, and painted. Have a look (see below). Remarkable again. Had no idea the kid was an artist with words, and images. Very talented.
This blog has provided me many things in my life, it’s provided me solace, happiness and a sense of worth, and some feeling. But, almost as importantly, it has brought me a stronger relationship with my brother, and taught me of a deeper connection. We, of course, as brother’s will always have a tight bond, and when you start to count some of the stuff we’ve had to overcome together as brothers, and as a family, that bond is always strengthened, and will always be there. We’re both wired very similar, and we wage our own personal wars in similar fashions, though likely unhealthy, we often think we can do it ourselves, and we’ll be fine. Sometimes we are too reluctant to seek help, sometimes dangerously too reluctant.
It’s funny, I remember as kids, though there is a ten year difference between B & I. I always wondered what is was we’d have in common when he grew up, and what would keep us close like most other brothers you see. I always thought; hockey, of course. It’s what I love, and it’s what we did growing up at home. Mini hockey all the time in the basement, street hockey, I even helped coached one of Brodys novice teams when I was in Gr. 12. It seemed like the natural course for us. Connect through sports.
But, now, almost ten years later… at the surface, you wouldn’t think we have much in common, or to connect over other than being brothers. There’s a wide age gap, Brody is far more masculine than I; he loves outdoors, and hunting. I don’t know that I’ve ever shot a gun in my life that didn’t fire out Styrofoam darts, and I think my stomach would hurl if I even killed a squirrel.
On the flip-side, I am a hockey, and baseball freak. He’ll sit down and watch the occasional game while we visit, but I know it’s not his preferred activity. I think for years, I always thought, well what the hell.. this kid brother and I, we got nothing in common. I loved that he was into different things, I thought it was cool, and it opened me up to things other than a puck, and seamed ball.
But through this blog, I have learned that there is actually so much more that we connect on than a hunting rifle, or a Synergy Si Core.
For better or for worse, our depression. We’ve both been there, and fought, had days where there seemed like no tomorrow possible. We’ve both exhausted ourselves fighting ourselves. We’ve both somehow lived to see another day, to smile another day, and to laugh. Certainly, if I had a choice… neither him or I would have to live with this illness, and happiness would just come easy for us. But, that just isn’t the “Courchene” way to do things. However, it’s has in a unique way I think brought Brody and I much closer together.
Though it’s tough to have your deepest connection with your brother built around your mental illness, it’s brought out so many other things we’ve learned about one another, and been able to share; Art. Music, words, and now drawings. As much of a music nerd as I am, Brody is far more knowledgeable about it, plays an instrument, something I always regret not doing, and I am so happy he has chosen to do so.
We share the same passion for music, and what it means to us. It’s not just a string of words matched to a guitar, it’s not just the bass pounding, or some song about going fishing in your big truck. It’s something far more thorough.
We’ve passed books along to each other of Kurt Cobain, and we have some similar art hung up in our homes/rooms. Then, you throw the middle brother into it; Kyle and it’s the same thing. We all have a little Kurt Cobain imagery somewhere in our home spaces. I think of course… we all love Nirvana, who doesn’t? But, for us it’s more than that… I remember talking to my therapist about this years ago, that I was freaking myself out with my fascination for Kurt Cobain. I read tonnes of books about him, had pictures, read online for hours, and went to Seattle basically for a Kurt Cobain tour. Hung around in Viretta Park for a bit, went to the EMP Museum and took 3,000 pictures. Amanda had to literally drag me out of the Nirvana exhibit. When discussing this with my therapist, she said it’s likely Kurt Cobain means more to me than just music, I am further entwined because it connects me to my sister, because she was a huge Nirvana fan, and that it’s something Jen & I always shared, and can still share. This made total sense to me, and I think it’s the same thing for Brody, and maybe for Kyle too. I remember my Dad talking to me about Brody being overly fascinated with KC for awhile too and it freaked him out as well, and I explained to my dad just this, and I think it made sense to him as well. It’s more than just Nirvana, It’s more than just Kurt Cobain and where he’s from and how he grew up… but, it’s our sister too, and somehow in this weird way that I can’t expect anyone else to understand… but it brings all together.
Beyond the passion we share for music, is writing. I remember about two years ago, my mom texting me this hilarious story of something Brody said or wrote, something about a house cleaner, I think it was. I wish I still had this little story she told me, but it was incredibly funny, and clever. I remember thinking at the time… Man, I hope that kid starts writing. He’ll be incredible. Then fast forward to just a few months ago, mom text me “You have to read this story Brody wrote, I emailed it” … You’ve all read this by now, I am sure, and had that same reaction as me. Wow.
So while, I spent the first ten years of my younger brother’s life wondering what the hell am I gonna share with this kid, and then forcing hockey down his throat, and longing for us to connect over some stupid sport that I question if I even love anymore… It was all right there in front of me, every day.
We don’t have the relationship most brothers have. It’s hard to say we grew up together, I moved away when Brody was eight years old. I’ve been home for a summer since, and some weekends. So things, naturally become a little bit different in our relationship with one another. Though, we only live four hours away from one another.. we still only manage to see each other a handful of times a year, this is sad when I actually think about it, and write it out, but it’s the truth. I’d love to spend more time with him, but the same could be said my Kyle, and really, all of my family. I really would. But again… just that crazed “Courchene” way. Together though, Brody and I have been through more shit together than one can imagine is fair for anyone’s lifetime, let alone a pair of brothers 27 & 16. But, somehow it’s all helped form this unique relationship we have, that I truly believe is as strong as any despite the distance in age, and despite the distances we live.
Though it’s tragedy and darkness. It’s kept the four of us together. Through the places we’ve come from. Through where we are today, and how we got there. Through the music we listen to, and share to connect and feel closer to those we’ve lost. The war we face every day with ourselves. Through the words, and images we compose just to try and heal ourselves.
It may be pretty, and it certainly isn’t glorious, or ideal… but it’s brought us here, in a unique, weird, “Courchene” way… it’s kept us all forever entwined.
Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.
Take a look at these drawings and paintings Brody put together.