I’ve always been intrigued by the stats section wordpress makes available to it’s bloggers. I can find information on how many views my blog, or posts receive, where readers are from, clicks, and my favorite stat of well…. Search Engine Terms.
Here I come across some of the weirdest, creepiest, scariest, funniest searches that people type in where they ultimately land on my page, and I use those adjectives as strongly as I possibly can. I’ve always thought to share some of these searches, the funny ones of course, which would be a dramatic change of pace from most of my entries, but I have never gotten around to it. Well, before google encrypts all users google search so that this entire section becomes null.
I don’t know what search engine these people are using, but I think there is real comic gold to be had in other peoples search history. Mine, probably not so much. Thankfully Mozilla has the Incognito Window bandit that I utilize often, but some of these things people are searching…. Well, I can’t even fathom.
Get ready for this one! – I will share with you my top 28, some are downright hilarious, odd, and some are extremely disturbing! And these are just the ones I am comfortable writing knowing some of the audience reading this blog.
Here we go!
1. I got lots of beer in vegreville lets fuck
- How the hell does this take someone to my blog that’s about my life against mental illness.
- When this person searched this, what were they looking for??…
- I really hope this wasn’t one of my buddies
2. How to fuck movie health education
- Again, how does this lead someone to my site, and what the heck was this person hoping they’d find.
- This person’s parents reaaaallly dropped the ball.
3. acaramelpuss.com
- Ok… I have to be honest, after seeing this one and thinking WTF. I went directly to my friend bandit in incognito window, and typed this into the url address. Don’t judge. It could have very well been one of those secret menu drinks at Starbucks. …. no?
- You just typed it in too…
4. Nen Shi Ran
- Who?
5. Good reasons to listen to garth brooks
- Seriously? This is probably the same person as #2.
*** This next one is a little disturbing, but it’s a real wtf head scratcher.
6. my neigbour shot 3of my golden retrievers @ night killing my female, while I was down my driveway calling them, in alberta
- What kind of neighbor do you have lou? Maybe call the police instead of searching your story on google…
7. Naheed Fucking
- This is disgusting. Who in the eff is googling a porn of our mayor? I assume that’s what this is, anyways. Redford. Pig.
8. did lane frost have an impact on the pbr
- Lane Frost is a hero. Of course he did.
9. brother fuck 4.5.7year old girl fuck.com
- I am disturbed that this even somehow led someone to my blog, and I hope they’ve dramatically changed their lives since. This is disgusting on so many levels.
10. nenshi annoying
- Apparently the person looking for him fucking couldn’t find that mayoral porn, and just got fed up. Ugh Nenshi!
11. not sure who this girl bell is and why everyone wants to talk to her #bellletstalk
- … Ugh, Seriously?
12. that moment when your sister makes hot chocolate
- That’s a moment?
13. talk to sluts for free in Calgary
- HOW DOES SOMEONE LAND ON MY PAGE AFTER SEARCHING THIS SHIT!!!@!@!!!
- Anyway… Head to the back alley buddy. Good luck!
14. delcam powershape hell grading
- What?
15. my sisters hot pajama
- Again. What? That hot chocolate moment??
16. if you get cut from the echl should you give up
- No, but if you’re googling this.. you should get off the internet.
17. how to make bcmml
- I don’t think making a midget aaa team is something you can really do on WikiHow.
18. don’t judge me yolo underage
- too late kid
19. mental health issues of children growing up in 4000 square foot homes
- I can just see the snobby mom googling this one. Her kid struggles from depression BECAUSE their home is 4000 SQ ft. Not 3580 SQ ft. AND, his treatment, therapy, and everything else will be completely different that those of us who grew up in a 2600 SQ Ft home. Mental health is now being measured by the square footage of where you grew up. You Jackass.
20. pajama hot sister
- Ok. This guy is weird already. ‘Muricans.
21. Edson slo pitch sex
- Haha. Ah. Another beaut. Don’t even know where to go with this one. The possibilities are endless.
22. xxx much faking com
- this persons first time on a computer looking for titties I’d say.
23. fuckingfeelsgood
- What does? … Wait … What? … Ohhhhhh
24. as long as your nasty as a mother fucker
- And then what? Who googles this, what are they hoping the results are!!!
25. fucked guy vegreville
- Ahhh, again… the possibilites!!
26. myfight fuckeng
- what?
27. nasty moms we would like to fuck
- I probably shouldn’t have shared this one, but again wtf. Learn how to filter categories on your porn sites buddy.
28. blowjob on Christmas day Calgary
- Either atta boy! Or…. Shame on you if you’re looking for a specific business.
There you have it! The top 28 hilarious, most WTF search terms people have used that somehow eventually landed them on my site. Some search engines won’t reveal search engine terms, so they come up unknown on wordpress, and there are 296 unknown terms… So I can just imagine all of the further beauty in that list of nearly 300.
Now let’s get serious… Though I’ve listed the top 28 funny search terms, there are some that are just pretty odd, and some very disturbing, as I’ve shared a few. There are some that make you just want to throw up, some that make you want to cry in disbelief, some that just complete shock me, and others I just have no words for, and am ashamed I live in the same planet as the person who typed that thought in. Then, the majority are just lots of people just searching me, my sisters name, my parents name, my brothers name… These ones kinda freak me out, but I can only assume the goal of these searches is to land where they do, unlike the goals of our top 28 here. Hopefully when they landed, they stayed awhile.
Lets hope google never privatizes all search information, cause I seriously enjoy this part of wordpress stats, and if you are the one looking for mayoral porn, or whatever weird thing… I still appreciate you visiting goneawayboys!
I’m off to Caaallli!
Cheers.
B
goneawayboys 