What Makes You Happy?


What Makes You Happy


I haven’t written in a long time, part of me felt like it was maybe because I’ve been doing better. I haven’t been feeling as depressed. My life had seemingly come together, even if just the slightest. I always told myself that when hockey ended, I was going to become an author, a literary wizard; I was going to write every day now that I had a bit more time. Well, hockey’s been over for about six weeks, and I am just starting to write at 10:56PM Easter Sunday.

Sure, I’ve been busy with things in the meantime, but if anyone knows me, busy, is not an excuse. If you want something bad enough, you’ll find the means to do it. Busy doesn’t exist in my world. It’s not because I don’t ever do anything, in fact, that’s probably quite the opposite. I probably have more going on than most folk. Actually, I could almost guarantee that. I just don’t feel the need to let everyone know how I preoccupied I am. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. It makes me sick when people say they are too busy.

Why? I remember years ago, my sister tried to chat with me through Facebook, through simple Internet chat… and, I recall looking at the messages, the message read something along the lines of hey, call me when you got some time, want to know how college is going. I looked at it, thought, meh; I’ll call her later… I am busy. I never called her. And, I don’t know if I ever talked to her again. She committed suicide a couple of months after, and I’ve never been too busy since.   So when people tell me, they are too busy. It doesn’t sit well. At all.

So, to say that I haven’t been writing, because I have been doing well, or because I have been doing poorly… I don’t even know the answer. Sometimes life has a tendency to just happen, and just leave me trapped in the motions that I just can’t comprehend the appropriate emotions, and feelings.

I know that writing provides me with the single most joyous experiences of my life. So, you would think it’s easier to do so. But… for some reason, it’s been getting more difficult, and for the first time, I feel like my writing is actually good. In the past, all I did was write about how I felt. That’s it. There was no scientific method to it; there was no English specialty behind it. Simply, just how I felt. I have such a difficult time re-reading my pieces, for a variety of reasons… mainly because I feel such a huge disconnect with the person who wrote that very piece, but also because… I think it’s shit. I looked earlier, and I have posted 47 entries to GAB. This being 48. I can honestly say that 1 was of quality, Your Move Chief. So, as much gratification as writing brings me… I don’t know if it’s from the actual writing, or the feedback. As pathetic as this may be, I seek so much approval, and accreditation, from… whomever, predominantly from my mom, and from my fiancé…. It’s pathetic, if I don’t hear anything within a day or so, I am texting those two asking what they thought… It drives me crazy that I do this. But… I do. And, I can probably recap every single compliment, or piece of positive feedback I have received from my blog. There is truly nothing, and I mean NOTHING more gratifying than when I hear about people who have read my blog, and find comfort from reading. Whether, I know them or not. I spend so much time wanting to write, then I spend such little time actually writing, and I conclude with spending even more time looking for approval on my writing. From, my family… my fiancé… my best friends… my friends… strangers… When, I receive this, it’s pure happiness. Joy. Elation. You know that feeling where you just can’t wipe that smile off your face. This is the only time I’ll feel it. So you’d think I’d write more, with this being the case. But, truth is… I think I have become a bit scared. My unrelenting life standards have once again trapped me with failure. Where, I need simple accolades. However, that’s slowed down significantly. I don’t know if it’s because my writing has gotten stale, or the content has. Or maybe, I am just without the random viewers from Europe. Or, perhaps, the people who have already graciously patted my back don’t feel like they need to tell me good job every single fucking time. Though they shouldn’t. However, I feel like, unless I get that… I am failing. I want to know what every single person thinks of my writing, even if they think it’s complete crap. I just want to know… because; I think it is too, I can’t even find myself appreciative, and satisfied with my own work.

So, in getting to the point of this entry… the great folks at Mind Your Mind proposed the question, what makes you happy? I thought about it for a long, long time. There are so many things that I enjoy, so many. But, to label them as something that makes me completely happy would likely be false. I think at any point, doing makes me happy. Regardless, of what it is that I am doing. I think sometimes you can find temporary joy in that, and I do. But, I tried to really think of something that makes me truly happy. True joy. I almost couldn’t think of anything, till I thought about writing, then I thought about all of the positive feedback I have received over the two years, and the people I have been able to help, if even just to help them temporarily. This has brought me pure joy, and continues to do so. It’s the only thing that allows me to feel self-pride, and self worth. Regardless, of the success I have at work, or in coaching sports, or my daily life even. I always seem to be stuck wanting more, and eventually get a place where good just isn’t good enough. But, with writing, that’s different. Even, if I receive two notes about my latest post, to me it was a success, and it provides that feeling. That feeling where I can’t stop but smiling, even if it’s a random stranger at an arena that says, “hey, you’re the guy that writes that mental health blog” … Yes, I guess so. These are the things that keep me ticking, and continue to remind me just what it is to feel joy, and to feel good.

You just hope that somehow you can find a way to enjoy, accept and appreciate your own bravery and work. Sometimes there is just far too much pressure on writing purely for the audience, and hoping to help them find joy, and hope. I need to find my own first.

Rest easy, and rest happily Max. I hope you can still find some time to read my blog, and I hope that you’ve found true joy.   I know you and Jen are hanging out as we speak. Listening to music, watching over us, and laughing at us.

Lighter Side of GAB / Hilarious Avenues to GoneAwayBoys.


I’ve always been intrigued by the stats section wordpress makes available to it’s bloggers. I can find information on how many views my blog, or posts receive, where readers are from, clicks, and my favorite stat of well…. Search Engine Terms.

Here I come across some of the weirdest, creepiest, scariest, funniest searches that people type in where they ultimately land on my page, and I use those adjectives as strongly as I possibly can. I’ve always thought to share some of these searches, the funny ones of course, which would be a dramatic change of pace from most of my entries, but I have never gotten around to it. Well, before google encrypts all users google search so that this entire section becomes null.

I don’t know what search engine these people are using, but I think there is real comic gold to be had in other peoples search history. Mine, probably not so much. Thankfully Mozilla has the Incognito Window bandit that I utilize often, but some of these things people are searching…. Well, I can’t even fathom.

Get ready for this one! – I will share with you my top 28, some are downright hilarious, odd, and some are extremely disturbing! And these are just the ones I am comfortable writing knowing some of the audience reading this blog.

Here we go!

1.  I got lots of beer in vegreville lets fuck

  • How the hell does this take someone to my blog that’s about my life against mental illness.
  • When this person searched this, what were they looking for??…
  • I really hope this wasn’t one of my buddies

2. How to fuck movie health education

  • Again, how does this lead someone to my site, and what the heck was this person hoping they’d find.
  • This person’s parents reaaaallly dropped the ball.

3. acaramelpuss.com

  • Ok… I have to be honest, after seeing this one and thinking WTF. I went directly to my friend bandit in incognito window, and typed this into the url address. Don’t judge. It could have very well been one of those secret menu drinks at Starbucks. …. no? 
  • You just typed it in too…  

4. Nen Shi Ran

  • Who?

5. Good reasons to listen to garth brooks

  • Seriously? This is probably the same person as #2.




*** This next one is a little disturbing, but it’s a real wtf head scratcher.

6. my neigbour shot 3of my golden retrievers @ night killing my female, while I was down my driveway calling them, in alberta

  • What kind of neighbor do you have lou? Maybe call the police instead of searching your story on google…

7. Naheed Fucking

  • This is disgusting. Who in the eff is googling a porn of our mayor? I assume that’s what this is, anyways. Redford. Pig.

8. did lane frost have an impact on the pbr

  • Lane Frost is a hero. Of course he did.

9. brother fuck 4.5.7year old girl fuck.com

  • I am disturbed that this even somehow led someone to my blog, and I hope they’ve dramatically changed their lives since. This is disgusting on so many levels.  

10. nenshi annoying

  • Apparently the person looking for him fucking couldn’t find that mayoral porn,  and just got fed up. Ugh Nenshi!

11. not sure who this girl bell is and why everyone wants to talk to her #bellletstalk

  • … Ugh, Seriously? 

12. that moment when your sister makes hot chocolate

  • That’s a moment?

13. talk to sluts for free in Calgary

  • Anyway…  Head to the back alley buddy.  Good luck! 

14. delcam powershape hell grading

  • What?

15. my sisters hot pajama

  • Again. What? That hot chocolate moment?? 

16. if you get cut from the echl should you give up

  • No, but if you’re googling this.. you should get off the internet.

17. how to make bcmml 

  • I don’t think making a midget aaa team is something you can really do on WikiHow.

18. don’t judge me yolo underage

  • too late kid

19. mental health issues of children growing up in 4000 square foot homes

  • I can just see the snobby mom googling this one. Her kid struggles from depression BECAUSE their home is 4000 SQ ft. Not 3580 SQ ft. AND, his treatment, therapy, and everything else will be completely different that those of us who grew up in a 2600 SQ Ft home. Mental health is now being measured by the square footage of where you grew up. You Jackass.

20. pajama hot sister

  • Ok.  This guy is weird already.  ‘Muricans.  

21. Edson slo pitch sex

  • Haha. Ah. Another beaut. Don’t even know where to go with this one.  The possibilities are endless. 

22. xxx much faking com

  • this persons first time on a computer looking for titties I’d say.

23. fuckingfeelsgood

  • What does? … Wait … What? … Ohhhhhh

24. as long as your nasty as a mother fucker

  • And then what? Who googles this, what are they hoping the results are!!!

25. fucked guy vegreville

  • Ahhh, again… the possibilites!! 

26. myfight fuckeng

  • what?

27. nasty moms we would like to fuck

  • I probably shouldn’t have shared this one, but again wtf. Learn how to filter categories on your porn sites buddy.

28. blowjob on Christmas day Calgary

  • Either atta boy! Or…. Shame on you if you’re looking for a specific business.


There you have it! The top 28 hilarious, most WTF search terms people have used that somehow eventually landed them on my site. Some search engines won’t reveal search engine terms, so they come up unknown on wordpress, and there are 296 unknown terms… So I can just imagine all of the further beauty in that list of nearly 300.

Now let’s get serious… Though I’ve listed the top 28 funny search terms, there are some that are just pretty odd, and some very disturbing, as I’ve shared a few. There are some that make you just want to throw up, some that make you want to cry in disbelief, some that just complete shock me, and others I just have no words for, and am ashamed I live in the same planet as the person who typed that thought in.   Then,  the majority are just lots of people just searching me, my sisters name, my parents name, my brothers name… These ones kinda freak me out, but I can only assume the goal of these searches is to land where they do, unlike the goals of our top 28 here. Hopefully when they landed, they stayed awhile.

Lets hope google never privatizes all search information, cause I seriously enjoy this part of wordpress stats, and if you are the one looking for mayoral porn, or whatever weird thing… I still appreciate you visiting goneawayboys! 

I’m off to Caaallli! 



The Significance of Music & My Hall of Fame List


After writing a rather difficult entry tonight “Praying for Newtown & Mankind”  I thought I’d go in a different direction to cap off a rather good night.  I’ve wanted to put together a blog entry on the value music has on me.  But, I just have never really got around too it, for a multitude of reasons.  A) I’ve meant to write about it, but I go in 14 different directions. B) I am in the midst of a struggling 2014-15 season with the Edmonton Oilers in NHL 13.  Major Stanley Cup hangover.  I guess it even happens in video games.  Damnit.  But, before I get going on my frustrations with there, and it begins with my goaltending.  Pathetic.  Haha.  Ok, Music.

Music is, and always has been something that has been of significant sentimental value to me.  I don’t go anywhere often without listening too it.  Work, Working out, driving, gaming, even writing in this blog!  It often is inspiring and gets me in that mood so i can become an absolute wordsmith (kidding)  I have been fortunate enough as well, to have been raised around good music.  While, I may not have known it then.  I certainly appreciate the hockey road trips too and from Cold Lake, Lloydminster, Spruce Grove or wherever the hell else we were going where my mom would blast what I thought to be shit at the time.  Elton John, Alanis, The Hip, Paul Simon, Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan… even Matthew Good, though I always liked him when I was younger, I could never admit that I liked music Mudder liked.  Now, much of the music I listen too now, is much of the same I had to listen too then.  Thankfully, her music tastes wore onto me.  Music is something that I am so passionate about, that I simply can not handle shitty music.  There is no quicker trigger to me being more fucking miserable then having to hear a shitty song.  Basically anything by Pitbull, or any other song where you only need to hear half of it while it comes on the radio station at the mall…  And while it is muffled and quiet, you still know every word next time the song comes on the radio…1 hour later.  Too me, good music is not that.  This is why when Amanda and I drive anywhere, I drive.  For the simple reason that, I can control the music.  No one else.  No one dare messes with my stereo controls!  It’s a bad habit, and selfish habit.  But, I get so easily annoyed, and frustrated when someone is playing horrible music around me.  I am sorry, but a song about the DJ pumping you up at the club… That isn’t music.  It’s a bunch of shitty noise.  Good music is well-written, it’s clever, it’s resonating, plus it sounds good.    Music that you need to listen too a few times to maybe understand what it means.  Music that is just well put together, as a whole.  Thats good music.  Something that sounds good, and lyrics that keep you involved, and every time you listen to the song, you pick up on something else, or it triggers something for you.  These are the songs that mom and my sister used to play when I was 11, 12 years old and I hated them because they maybe didn’t sound cool back then, or because the artist wore purple glasses with star lenses.   Now, I appreciate that.  Thankfully I grew up.  A little bit.

Another reason for my extreme passion in song, is just the sentimental value it holds.  It was something that was a huge part of my sister’s life.  She loved music.  She was always playing it.  and while, I was younger, I would pretty well listen to whatever it was she listened too, because I thought it was cool & hip.  She just had such a wide-range of taste in music.  Taught me too really open up my tastes in music, which I never could in the past. I used to be a 1-2 genre kind of person.  Now, if you were to ask me what I like, I would ask you first what kind of mood do you want me to answer for, because it changes.  I can be listening to Garth Brooks one morning, too anything by Maynard Keenan by the afternoon, and then 2pac in the evening.  I never used too be able to do this, I would never open up too it.  I think it’s something that my sister really taught me, and I sincerely appreciate.

Music is something that is extremely important too me, it is at times inspiring, sentimental and therapeutic for me.  But, if you ever want too see my lose my shit.  As I said, Turn on Amp 90.3, or any station of the like.  I will instantly turn from the happiest fellow, to the worst.   This truly is the only thing that can, and will make me the grumpiest man on the planet at the push of the seek button.  I think a lot of people could vouch for this.  I just turn miserable, grouchy and gutless.  What can I say.  I hate shitty noise, and that’s what it is!  While, there is “bad music” that I do like.  And, I recognize that it is bad, but I don’t mind it.  It’s typically short term.  Ie.  Nickelback, Drake, the odd techno-house-dubstep…. whatever it is called music.  I do like some of that stuff, but it’s more of “in-the-moment” thing, and it certainly doesn’t hold any sentimental value for me.

So, in conclusion.  I thought I would create a list of some of my favorite all time songs.  These are some MY all time favorite songs.  I don’t give a rats ass if you like them or not, or where they are on your list.  Because, we are not the same.  These songs qualify  for my list, because they are songs I heard many moons ago, and I still listen too them regularly today.  This too me, is how you qualify a “favorite song”  Favorite songs take time.  A song that came out this summer, has not been out long enough to qualify as a favorite.  If I still listen to it in 4 years… Then, we call it.  It’s like getting into the Hockey Hall of Fame.  Dirt Road Anthem is certainly waiting!  Additionally, they are songs that just mean something too me.  Whether, its a lyric, or a sound that brings a special moment too mind.  And, most of these songs…  Are songs I was introduced too by mostly my mom and sister.  (Sorry Dad… but, I just don’t care much for AC/DC & Jerky Boys) Although, Garth certainly came from you!  Thanks old man.  And maybe Kickstart my Heart. Which, makes the hall.

In no particular order.

  1. Drinking in LA – Bran Van 3000
  2. Yellow Ledbetter – Pearl Jam
  3. Round Here – Counting Crows
  4. Wild Horses – Rolling Stones
  5. Outside – Aaron Lewis
  6. Hello Time Bomb – Matthew Good Band
  7. Kickstart My Heart – Motley Crue
  8. Smells like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
  9. Ironic – Alanis Morrisette
  10. Suburbia – Matthew Good Band
  11. Nautical Disaster – The Tragically Hip
  12. Tiny Dancer – Elton John
  13. Bennie & the Jets – Elton John
  14. Bobcaygeon – The Tragically Hip
  15. The Dance – Garth Brooks
  16. Rodeo – Garth Brooks
  17. Silver Jet – The Tragically Hip
  18. Fiddlers Green – The Tragically Hip
  19. Judith – A Perfect Circle
  20. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrisette
  21. The Fall of Man – Matthew Good Band
  22. Champions of Nothing – Matthew Good
  23. ….  Just add basically any Matthew Good song to this list.  I will just say that instead of adding them.
  24. Jesus Christ – Brand New
  25. Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon
  26. If You’ll be my Bodyguard – Paul Simon
  27. Inside Out – Eve 6
  28. Suburbia – Matthew Good Band (Had to acknowledge this song – Was one of Jens favs)
  29. First TIme – Finger Eleven
  30. Hey Jealously – Gin Blossoms
  31. Unwell – Matchbox 20
  32. Lightning Crashes – Live
  33. Fast Car – Tracy Chapman
  34. 46 & 2 – Tool
  35. And, about 35 more Tragically Hip songs!

That’s my elongated list of my favorite songs.  You might not like some of the listed songs, and may argue, but, thats why it is my list, and your opinion is completely irrelevant.  However, by definition of “good music” I am confident, not a single song listed could be argued.  Sooo. Pound sand.

Thank you too my mom, my sister and my dad for bringing me up around good sounds!

….  Brody, I will teach you soon!